Depression: it seems to sneak up on me I tried to hold it up back,but it always comes back especially when I have overwhelming problems.
that I don’t know how to solve. tried to put them out of my mind I try to dive into some new project or thing to learn and I always have a smile on
my face when I’m around other people some sometimes I wonder how they cannot feel the pain or see it on my face but most the time they cannot
my cover isn’t blown. Of being happy go lucky person that likes to laugh and joke around but if I do enjoy those things.
Alot of times it’s a cover.And it is almost impossible for anyone that has never been through any sort of spell of depression for them to
understand they are either unwilling or just and cannot comprehend the pain hurt we feel. I cannot speak for all victims of depression
and I do not know if we I’ll have the same triggers the best “stinking thinking”yhat feeds our depression. I only can relay my thoughts and
feelings on it.and what feed mine, other people feed mine and away I am an empath I pick up one negativity and anger and I turn it on myself,
because I am not the sort of person or I try never to be the takes my emotional state or so I thought. My doctor told me to Larry day like it’s
your last and if it was your last day alive i would you care what other people thought. At first I wasn’t sure if she was trying to tell me I was
dying of something. Then I realized no doesn’t matter what people think I know that in my head but my heart doesn’t seem to be able to tell the difference weather the pain is fantasy or reality.
4 years I just shut it off wouldn’t let anyone in close the doors to my heart fear they would hurt me I wear my heart on my sleeve I always have people seem to either see that as a weakness or something to exploit.in my experience.
About 15 years ago I had a depression that took me 5 years to help myself photos and in the end it’s not that I solved and it my problem I just keep picking too busy to focus on them I was working and going to school and once my depression lifted I swore I would never let myself get in that state again I felt it coming on I would do something to change my life. At the time of my depression I did not think it affected anyone but myself I had two young children 12:,girlthe other one was 8 boy
I very much try to stay positive around and ultimately failed. My lowest point I would fantasize about getting in the tub and slitting my wrists but at the end of my fantasy who would find me my kids so that always put a put a damper on the whole idea. That and the fact that I do not believe in suicide as a core value life is a gift whether we feel like it is or not. Around 2 or 3 years into my profession found out my daughter it started cutting herself immediately I by myself but somehow my fantasies of suicide had rubbed off on her that I was to blame for these behaviors because that is what I do I take everything negative and I put it on myself I blame myself for things I have nothing to do with me maybe in some small way I may be responsible for but I put it on myself that is my fault no matter what it is and so do other people like to blame me for the things they do mostly because I’m a A.D.D and we are easy scapegoat . they probably did not realize the damage they do to me . internally maybe they just don’t care. and if I was in healthy mind set it might not affect be at all but instead in my darkest moments. I suck it all in hold it there.
My depression usually is by others or situation I blame myself for, I always thought by something inside of myself holds on o it and internalize it, holds it there Fester’s than grows to an all-consuming black goo of mental Anguish or that’s the picture I visualize.
I just hope by reading people will start to understand the mind of a depressed person and realize the pain they feel is every bit as real I saw someone reaching in and cutting out your . Pain is as real as any physical pain but you can take a time out for physical please what do you take for mental pain and depressants my experience with them or less than I do they either made me Placid that I didn’t care what anybody did or said or what happened to me or they made me too assertive or too aggressive and if you knew me you would know that is the furthest thing from my personality. So if you know someone who has periodic or maybe constant depression be kind don’t think they can just snap out of it cuz I can and if they do it’s a show for you it’s not a real recovery. After I came out of my depression I came to the realization depression is a selfish emotion you are so self-involved you think everything about your hurt and you can’t see past your own pain. Other peoples laughing and joking sometimes feels like there laughing at you weather they are or not .
Please don’t give up on us. We are the sensitive Souls the painters poets the writers the comedian and the most compassionate when we’re not sucked down that hole of depression. we are what makes us human being a beautiful beings in the eye of unversal god but we also suffer internally we are the people when we can get it together who make a difference in this world when were not too busy feeling sorry for ourselves feeling misunderstood or alone when we can get past those traumatic feelings we have a most wonderful gifts for Humanity for this world because it is for our us our creator has created that we are his vehicles in which love spread throughout the world but first we have to learn to love ourselves truly
But if I told you the cure for depression for any sort of disease for all all mental and physical pain that I knew the Cure you tDepression: it seems to sneak up on me I tried to hold it up back,but it always comes back especially when I have overwhelming problems. that I don’t know how to solve. tried to put them out of my mind I try to dive into some new project or thing to learn and I always have a smile on my face when I’m around other people some sometimes I wonder how they cannot feel the pain or see it on my face but most the time they cannot my cover isn’t blown. Of being happy go lucky person that likes to laugh and joke around but if I do enjoy those things.
Alot of times it’s a cover.
And it is almost impossible for anyone that has never been through any sort of spell of depression for them to understand they are either unwilling or just and cannot comprehend the pain hurt we feel. I cannot speak for all victims of depression and I do not know if we I’ll have the same triggers the best “stinking thinking”yhat feeds our depression. I only can relay my thoughts and feelings on it.and what feed mine, other people feed mine and away I am an empath I pick up one negativity and anger and I turn it on myself, because I am not the sort of person or I try never to be the takes my emotional state or so I thought. My doctor told me to Larry day like it’s your last and if it was your last day alive i would you care what other people thought. At first I wasn’t sure if she was trying to tell me I was dying of something. Then I realized no doesn’t matter what people think I know that in my head but my heart doesn’t seem to be able to tell the difference weather the pain is fantasy or reality.
4 years I just shut it off wouldn’t let anyone in close the doors to my heart fear they would hurt me I wear my heart on my sleeve I always have people seem to either see that as a weakness or something to exploit.in my experience.
About 15 years ago I had a depression that took me 5 years to help myself photos and in the end it’s not that I solved and it my problem I just keep picking too busy to focus on them I was working and going to school and once my depression lifted I swore I would never let myself get in that state again I felt it coming on I would do something to change my life. At the time of my depression I did not think it affected anyone but myself I had two young children 12:,girlthe other one was 8 boy
I very much try to stay positive around and ultimately failed. My lowest point I would fantasize about getting in the tub and slitting my wrists but at the end of my fantasy who would find me my kids so that always put a put a damper on the whole idea. That and the fact that I do not believe in suicide as a core value life is a gift whether we feel like it is or not. Around 2 or 3 years into my profession found out my daughter it started cutting herself immediately I by myself but somehow my fantasies of suicide had rubbed off on her that I was to blame for these behaviors because that is what I do I take everything negative and I put it on myself I blame myself for things I have nothing to do with me maybe in some small way I may be responsible for but I put it on myself that is my fault no matter what it is and so do other people people like to blame me for the things they do mostly because I’m a personal add and I’m an easy scapegoat they probably did not realize the damage they do to me . internally maybe they just don’t care and if I was in healthy mind set it might not affect be at all but instead in my darkest moments I suck it all in hold it there.
My depression usually is by others or situation I blame myself for, I always thought by something inside of myself holds on o it and internalize it, holds it there Fester’s than grows to an all-consuming black goo of mental Anguish. or that’s the picture I visualize.
I just hope by readiness people will start to understand the mind of a depressed person and realize the pain they feel is every bit as real I saw someone reaching in and cutting out your . Pain is as real as any physical pain but you can take a time out for physical please what do you take for mental pain
anti depressants in my experience with them or less than ideal , they either made me Placid that I didn’t care what anybody did or said or what happened to me or they made me too assertive or too aggressive and if you knew me you would know that is the furthest thing from my personality. So if you know someone who has periodic or maybe constant depression be kind don’t think they can just snap out of it cuz I can and if they do it’s a show for you it’s not a real recovery. After I came out of my depression I came to the realization depression is a selfish emotion you are so self-involved you think everything about your hurt and you can’t see past your own pain. Other peoples laughing and joking sometimes feels like there laughing at you weather they are or not .
Please don’t give up on us.
hink I was crazy maybe I am just doesn’t make it any less true the root of all Humanities evil humanities equities and the cause of all physical and mental pain was :
lack of love each other our selves and until we learn how to love ourselves truly and who we truly are who we truly are and what our true purpose is once you start living for those two reasons depression will no longer exist along with a great many other humanities problems
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